You suck.

Today's Hax has two letters in it, and Carolyn's responses to both of them left me thinking she's really quick to turn the finger of blame inward to the letter writer. Granted, she might not be off base at all, but
it just seemed like she went there on scant information.

First letter and part of the response:

Carolyn:

I have a friend who is pressuring me (and others) to fix her brother up on dates. He seems nice, but I know his story and it involves professional disgrace, financial problems and depression. None of us feels comfortable introducing this man to anyone. I've tried to put her off but she won't stop. She is blind about her brother and a real control freak. How can I get her to back off without telling her that her bro is a loser no one should date?

Crazed

Wow.

This reads like an advice columnist's philosophy exam: "Who's in worse shape, the loser, the myopic control freak sister who defends him or the person who befriends the myopic control freak sister yet plainly dislikes her?"

Are we really casting aspersions on people for the character flaws of their friends now? That seems a little overboard to me. There was no indiciation that "Crazed" was this woman's Maid of Honor or anything. They might just be acquaintances. Generally speaking, I don't think the flaws of one's friends should reflect poorly on a person at all. Even if they did, those character flaws reflect much more poorly on the friend than they do on a person who chooses to be the flawed person's friend.

Second letter and part of the response:

Carolyn:

What type of person thinks he never does anything wrong? After yet another argument with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years, he called and asked if I was willing to change my behavior to make the relationship work. When I said of course and asked if he was willing as well, he said, "No, I think I am doing right by this relationship." How can he possibly think he does nothing wrong if we have had ongoing problems over the past few years?

B.

I'll bite. It's the type of person who thinks the other person will change and then everything will be perfect.

Upside: You two have more in common than you think.

I'm kind of left with the sense that today's two letter writers feel like they got punched in the mouth.

"B." never gave me the impression that she thought her boyfriend would change and then everything would be perfect. The only sense I got from that letter was that "B." wanted some indication that her boyfriend was willing to meet her halfway, and together, they would continue to work out their differences. There was no castle-in-the-sky, no happily-ever-after. Just the wish for a promise to work together.

I'm not feeling you today, Carolyn. This makes me sad.