My husband's a perv! HE LOOKS AT PORN!

From today's "Tales from the Front":

Dear Cheryl: I caught my husband watching Internet porn. Before this happened, I had lost interest in sex for a while. I didn't tell him I knew what he was doing. What I did was to really step up the sex with him to let him know I was interested again. A few days after we had good sex, I caught him again.

This time I confronted him. He said he would stop and we worked things out. But I'm still the one who's initiating sex. What should I do? Should I continue to seduce him or let him come to me when he wants it?

—Back in the Mood

Dear Back in the Mood: Your husband might think that your renewed interest in sex is only temporary. Or he may be hooked on Internet porn. How do you feel about porn? Would you be willing to watch it with him? That's one option.

In the meantime, continue to seduce him. See if he gets the hint that your interest in sex isn't a passing thing. Stay in touch and let's see what's going on.

Look, neither of you understand the relationship men have with porn. The sexual urges of men aren't like that bucket you keep under a leak in the roof that will spill over if you don't empty it out. I'll bet "Back in the Mood's" husband was surfing internet porn before she lost interest in sex, and chances are, he's going to do it again. A man's relationship with Bangbros and Vivid Video isn't going to be terribly affected by whether he's getting laid on a regular basis by his wife or not.

We like sex. We think about it all the time. If you have sex with us, great, but we're just going to think about again in an hour. And if you don't have sex with us, whatever. We're still thinking about it. This is true for your boyfriends, your husbands, your brothers, your fathers, and your failed Democratic candidates for presidents. We like boobies and cooters and we like 'em a lot.

That your man is surfing internet porn is not a rejection of you. Again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. If you were a porn star who indulged your husband's every threesome-while-bound-with-a-ball-gag-and-smeared-with-Hershey's-chocolate-syrup fantasy, your husband would still check out some porn on occasion. That's just the way we are. If you're blonde, he's checking out redheads. If you're white, he's checking out blacks. If you're short, he's checking out WNBA players. Whatever. That's just the way we're wired.

And another thing: Just because a guy checks out porn on occasion doesn't mean he's a goddamn porn addict, okay? Does it interfere in his daily life and his real-life relationships? If so, then you've got a problem. If he's just checking out some silicone boobs and bleached hair once in a while with his best friends from the Johnson & Johnson Company, really, what's the big deal? Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it's an addiction.

People can have a drink or two on a regular basis without being alcoholics. And I can check out my midget dominatrix porn without being dragged in to Sex Addicts Anonymous, thankyouverymuch.