He's a loser, but he's the only loser my daughter's got

From today's "Ask Ellie":

My daughter, 21, and her daughter, 2, lived for six months with the child’s father; he’s verbally abusive and puts her down or blames her whatever’s wrong in his life. He doesn’t work, and they’re currently living off assistance.

My daughter was scared to go out to work, as he sleeps all day and may not look after his child.

Recently she called us during a fight, to help her leave him. She later confided that she’d learned he was on drugs again. She and our granddaughter have been staying with us for several weeks; she periodically takes the girl to see him, and stays overnight.

I can tell that she’d like to go back with him. We tell her it only matters that she makes her decisions based on what she knows is best for her and her daughter.

If she does return to him, what should we do to help protect our granddaughter, without causing our daughter more upset and potentially harming our relationship with her and the child?

Does the law require us to do or reveal anything?

- Worried Parents

If you witness or know of any incidents of child abuse and/or neglect, you do have a legal responsibility to report it to child protection authorities. This is too serious a danger for the child, to worry about upsetting your daughter.

However, if no such incident occurs and your daughter chooses to return to this man, you can best “help” the situation by staying close to her and her daughter, so that she knows she has refuge with you if she needs it.

Instead of focusing on your worries, try to get her to do the thinking about how things have been and what she can expect from a life with this man. Ask questions without casting blame… let her reflect on her answers, even if only in her own mind.

Don’t pressure her; let her own sense of responsibility take hold.

The second to last paragraph in Ellie's response really should have taken center stage in her response. The first thing "Worried Parents" should be doing is talking to their daughter and try to get her to see that hey, maybe a drug-addicted, abusive, layabout isn't the best parental figure to have around a young child. I've said it before and I'll say it again: What, exactly, are we clinging to here?

And "Worried Parents" really shouldn't be so much concerned with what the law requires them to do as much as they should be concerned with protecting their grandchild. What, do we have to look to the state legislature for parenting tips now? They know this situation no es bueno for their grandchild. That's enough. Forget what the law says. Do what's right.