Divorce and kids

From yesterday's "Ask Ellie":

Is it worse to separate from a partner you don’t love and upset your children, or better to stay together and be unhappy the rest of your life?

- Undecided

Divorce decisions are rarely black and white: Sometimes the children adjust and the parents go on to happier relationships; sometimes, the upheaval for everyone is harder than the family life that preceded it.

You must look at your own individual options more specifically and practically, and not try to make such generalized assumptions. A marriage is always worth giving your best shot before splitting… so, perhaps things would improve if you worked on making yourself happier within it, whether through individual counselling, getting out more with friends, taking courses, changing jobs, etc.

If nothing of the kind helps, then the next step involves talking to your partner about making potential changes together, or pursuing marital therapy.

But if splitting up is the final answer, then all of you including the children, should get some counselling help to adapt to the new situation.

Professional help isn’t a “trendy” approach… it’s a wise way to go through an emotional change with guidance and support. It will help you look at the question you asked, and recognize that only you can find the right answer that fits your own case.

I just want to add one vital bit of opinion that Ellie has failed to mention:

I believe that children will always be better off with happy divorced parents than with married parents who hate it each other.

There's a lot of grey area inbetween those two extremes, which makes divorce such a hard decision when children are involved. The best thing people can do in those situations is take our best guess and make the best of the situation.